Why 'You Deserve Everything You Wish For' Is Pseudo-Spiritual Nonsense
Remember Insight Timer? That app where approximately 3 billion yoga and meditation teachers — plus the entire population of people who want to be yoga and meditation teachers — upload their sessions, musings, and morning mantras? A platform that thrives on the energy, motivation, and creative drive of countless humans who generously upload their meditations for free (classic business model, isn’t it?).
You’ll find everything there. From guided meditations that sound like they were recorded in a tin can during a thunderstorm, where the teacher’s voice echoes like a distant ghost — to sleek, high-gloss productions by pop-star-level spiritual influencers with suspiciously white teeth, blinding auras, and a marketing team.
I used to meditate with Insight Timer. Quite regularly, actually. The app’s still lurking somewhere on my phone. And the other day, for reasons unknown (nostalgia? boredom? spiritual masochism?), I opened it again.
Everything was different, of course. New interface, new features, …
After what felt like an eternity of aimless tapping, I finally stumbled across my “recently played.” I scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled. Everything felt off — too fluffy, too fake, too familiar. Until one title jumped out at me. Don’t ask me why.
Room darkened. I lay down, limbs wide open in Savasana. Ethereal music faded in. A gently whispering voice began to speak. Promising. I felt that old, familiar wave of relaxation. A small flicker of joy — maybe this one wouldn’t be so bad. Not because the voice said anything worthwhile, but because I gave myself permission to relax. Then, it happened. That voice, now almost purring, said: “You deserve everything you wish for.” My inner eye twitched. In that moment, relaxation exited the building. Replaced, swiftly, by mild outrage. Really? Everything I wish for?
What if I wish to be a benevolent dictator, ruling Europe in sustainably sourced yoga pants, a hemp crown, and a handpicked harem — sending everyone who doesn’t agree with me to a lifelong silent retreat?
What if I wish to dismantle democracy entirely and replace it with an AI that validates my every decision with a soothing gong, a calming lavender mist, and a slow, tantric “mmh” every time I get it right — which, naturally, is always?
What if I wish that everyone who’s ever said “I don’t see skin colour” or mansplained sexism is exiled to a remote ashram where the only available beverage is lukewarm tap water and the Wi-Fi password never works?
What if I wish for enlightenment — but only if it comes with a minimalist retreat center in pastel beige, an ocean view, vegan tapas, perfect lighting for my Instagram posts, and a book deal that makes me rich and popular and therefore, presumably, happy?
The point is: not every wish is sacred. Some are just ego, silly, or what society thinks we should wish for. And maybe, just maybe, the universe has better things to do than fulfill my late-night fantasies of spiritually aligned authoritarianism or neo-tantrically inspired harem visions.
The thing is: New Age spirituality has normalized these kinds of statements to the point where we don’t even question them anymore. But — let’s do exactly that.
What are we actually saying here? Do we really deserve everything we wish for — unfiltered, unquestioned, served on a cosmic platter? Do we even know what we’re wishing for half the time? Are our desires wise, generous, reality-based — or just well-marketed cravings? Are we pursuing something meaningful, or just our own curated bliss, regardless of the collateral?
And who, exactly, is this “we”? Do all humans — kind, cruel, confused, psychopathic, narcissistic — truly deserve everything they desire? Or is that just a soothing fantasy we repeat to avoid the uncomfortable truth: not every wish deserves to be fulfilled. Some wishes should probably stay buried in the basement of the vision board—or better yet, get ceremoniously burned to ash on the altar of reality.
Are we living in a cosmic fairy tale where the universe is a butler waiting to fulfill our every whim, no matter how undercooked? Where do our wishes even come from? Our soul? Instagram? Childhood trauma? TikTok trends?A spiritual influencer with a ring-light obsession, living in what they call “paradise”?
It’s tricky, this whole wishing business. In today’s hocus-pocus spirituality, the goal isn’t so much enlightenment as it is expanding the wish list. Is the universe basically Santa Claus without the holiday break — handing out whatever we ask for, 24/7, no naughty-or-nice list required? Because apparently, we deserve everything we wish for… all the time. Even the weird stuff. Which begs the question: what does it say about us if, as grown-ups, we still cling to Santa-level thinking—just with crystals and affirmations instead of reindeer?
Anyway. My mind wandered down that rabbit hole while the whispering voice kept whispering. Eventually, I tapped out, closed the app, and mentally dragged it back to the purgatory that is the last screen on my phone.
Back to Vipassana for me.
And for relaxation? Ambient music is enough. No one needs to whisper sweet delusions into my ear.
If this resonated with you, moved you, or made you pause and reflect – consider this your cue. I’ve set up a virtual tip jar via Buy Me a Coffee. No monthly commitments, no strings, no memberships required.
Your sweet kindness helps keep the thoughts flowing, the energy exchange intact, and the glow of my inner goddess alive. It won’t fix capitalism, but it might buy me five minutes of joy (or at least a cortado).
Gracias. Thank you. Jërëjëf. Merci. Obrigada. Danke. Arigatō. Medaase. Grazie. Hvala. Tack. Asante. Shukran. Teşekkürler. Dziękuję.
